The other day, I screamed at my kids. I told them I was going to take the TV and throw it over the fence and into the road so we wouldn’t have a TV anymore. I yelled at them and told them I wasn’t their maid, and they had responsibilities too. As a family, all of us melted down. It was just one example of one moment in one day where motherhood sucked.
It was a hard morning. I started off making blueberry waffles for my kids, and my Instagram story showed that we had such a great morning with a homemade breakfast. If I had stopped recording my morning there, my followers would have thought that was my reality for the day. However, that wasn’t my reality for that day, so I decided to share what happened after that. The response I got was overwhelming. It showed me that moms should be more transparent about our hard days, and that it’s okay that sometimes things suck.
I think it’s so important to remember the moments we don’t often see.
Kids are Hard
Right when my kids woke up, they turned on the TV, which I hate. They became zombies. My house was a mess. I usually clean for about an hour each night, but I didn’t last night, so I woke up to a messy house, which triggers my anxiety. I tried to put a shirt on Phoenix, and she freaked out because she didn’t want that shirt that day. I looked in Lincoln’s notebook, and there was a note from his teacher that he wasn’t listening. I told him I was disappointed that he hadn’t changed his behavior, so he started crying. There were dishes everywhere from breakfast and the night before, and I snapped that they weren’t doing their part around the house. I was frustrated.
I found myself wishing I had a backup person to tell my kids to listen to their mom. Both kids ran to their room crying, and I took a moment to finish my breakfast before talking to them. Afterward, I told them I loved them, even though we argue. I drove them to school because I couldn’t take the walk that day. I told them we needed to change our game plan, that we were taking a break from electronics and working to go to bed on time. They went to school, we got through it, but the mom guilt was real afterwards.
Once the kids went to school, I went on my Instagram story to vent and to share a real moment with my followers. My morning Instagram story may have started out with a wholesome breakfast with my loving children, but it ended up being a disaster. I was yelling, they were crying, and I felt intense mom guilt. I shared all of that, and I think it’s so important to remember the moments we don’t often see. Perfection is a myth, and my life has a ton of these moments, just like every other mom out there.
At the end of the day, if I’m not taking care of myself, no one else is going to do that.
Self-Care is Important
I made a plan for my kids, but I also made a plan for myself. I need to get my morning workouts in, eat better, get myself ready during the day, and do little things for me — like putting on my self-tanner, tidying my house, and working in my garden. At the end of the day, if I’m not taking care of myself, no one else is going to do that. One unexpected aspect of my self-care was to be open and honest about my story on Instagram. Not only was I overwhelmed with responses from all of you encouraging me and making me feel understood, I was also given a lot of helpful tips and advice. More than anything, I heard from a lot of moms that they really needed that transparency and often felt alone in their “motherhood sucks” moments.
It’s so important to utilize our community of moms as an aspect of our self-care. That can be scary, because mom shaming is a real thing. But honestly, all I got were funny, loving, and helpful responses from all of you. You all told me I was a great mom, that I wasn’t alone, that my story helped you, that these struggles were relatable, that married moms struggled with these issues too, and that I should show myself some grace. I can’t thank you enough for all of your responses. They really helped me.
I’ve shared some of the responses I got on that Instagram story so that you can all see how much love is out there in the motherhood community. All of us experience times where being a mom sucks. It’s hard, kids are grumpy, and we aren’t always the best at handling it. But that’s okay, and it’s important that we all remember that things aren’t always rainbows and butterflies.
Thank you so much to those who reached out to me on that day.
Show yourselves the same grace you showed me.