I debated putting this on online for the world to know about, but it makes me feel better to talk about it. I have some sad news. I was really excited to find out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant but hadn’t really told anyone yet. I was out of town in Utah and Idaho for Christmas last week and was having some spotting and light cramping but because both were so light I decided to wait until we got back to Texas to go see the doctor. Yesterday I went in to the ER and they were not able to find any signs of pregnancy in my uterus but did confirm I was indeed pregnant. They admitted me and had me stay overnight so that we could re-run the tests in the morning. A second ultrasound this morning found the gestational sac on my left fallopian tube instead of my uterus which is an ectopic pregnancy. They told me, “the fetal head, thorax, and abdomen are clearly seen and the crown rump length measures 1.9cm, corresponding with EGA of 8.4 weeks. However, there is no fetal heart activity. Observation for 6 minutes shows no fetal heart monitors. There has been fetal demise.”
I went in for surgery this morning because an ectopic pregnancy can be fatal if not removed. I’ve never had any kind of surgery in my life other than wisdom teeth extraction and was really sad and nervous. There was so much bleeding during the surgery that they were not able to save my fallopian tube and had to remove my entire left fallopian tube. I am in recovery now and will stay overnight at the hospital.
I am grateful that we caught it when we did, but it has been a very sad day for Sheridan and me. My doctor said I should still be able to get pregnant in the future but right now I don’t ever want to have to go through this again and my chances of having another ectopic pregnancy are now increased. I don’t think I want to try for any more kids, but that could just be my raw feelings right now maybe it will change in the future.
This is what my incisions look like right now. I am thankful they were able to do everything laparoscopically to minimize scarring. They insert gas into your stomach when they do this procedure which is why my stomach looks so bloated here.
For my recovery, I am not allowed to lift weights for 4 weeks and can only do very light cardio (like walking). We don’t have any family here in Texas and so I am so, so grateful for our friends and neighbors who have been wonderful and helped with our kids and provided support to us during this time.
I initially typed this blog post intending to only save it as a draft and maybe publish it in the future, but I am surprised at how much it helped me process everything just writing this out. Please understand that my emotions are very raw right now and any rude, mean, or insensitive comments will be deleted.
If you are just stumbling across this post, I wrote quite a bit when I was going through the entire surgery and recovery process. Here are the posts I wrote in the order they were written starting from the day of my ectopic pregnancy surgery.
- Some Sad News
- Avocado Tree
- Not Fair
- Life Goes On
- Thank You
- Grief is a Funny Thing
Natalie, I’m praying for healing both physically and emotionally. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.
That picture breaks my heart, but I know how you feel. I recently lost what would have been our 3rd child as well in July. I would have been due the beginning of February. We went in for our first appointment at 11.5 weeks and there was just an empty sac. I had to have a D&C because my body wouldn’t let it go. It was so hard-emotionally, physically, on our other 2 kids. My heart goes out to you during this sad time. I don’t think it ever stops being sad or hurting, but it does get better and knowing you’re not alone in it really helps. Hang in there and know with time the sting softens and you begin to heal a little at a time and with the help of others. So sorry for you and your sweet family and for your great loss. Children truly are such a blessing. You will be in my prayers tonight.
I’m so sorry you are going through this. I had a missed miscarriage a year ago. We went in for a routine ultrasound at 12 weeks and found out there was no heartbeat. I didn’t think I would ever want to be pregnant again but I’m 20 weeks pregnant now with a healthy baby girl. Just give it time and grieve for as long as you need to.
I am so sorry for your loss! Your family
is in my prayers. May God wrap his arms around you though this horrible time
Stay strong! God truly watches over everything he challenges us with. I have had 4 miscarriages and every time thought I could not handle it again BUT in the end God has given me the strength and has blessed me with 3 loving awesome amazing boys!!
I am very sorry to hear about this. It reminds me of the hard times my wife went through early in our relationship. We had the same thing happen to us where we lost twins the same way. It was a hard time and our thoughts were also the same of not wanting to go through that again. However here we are about 4 years later and now have a beautiful almost 2 year old daughter (2 on January 8) and about a week away from another baby girl. We ended up at a specialist for our first daughter to help us through a healthy pregnancy. Then we were able to go through the normal progression with our latest baby girl. Please keep your head up and know that there is a plan out there. If children are a supposed to be in your life then know it will happen and they will be wonderful. Get well soon!
I don’t know you personally but I har gone through 3 miscarriages in the last two years and feel for you. I also wrote out my feelings and it did help me a bit to deal with my feelings. Mostly I wanted to say how sorry I am for the pain you are going through. I have had one baby since my miscarriages and even after that successful pregnancy I am still wary about trying for another. I say take your time to heal emotional before trying for another and know that there are a lot of us who sympathize with the pain you are feeling.
I am so sorry. I know what it feels like to lose a baby and to be told you cannot get pregnant again. I am so so sorry. Sending love and hugs your way!
Thank you for posting this. I’m glad that you found it therapeutic to write about it and as someone who has also miscarried – it’s helpful to hear others’ stories and know you’re not alone. Although our situations aren’t the same, I feel like the emotions are – and wow are those emotions raw. I miscarried my very first pregnancy in August. The baby’s gestational age was 9 weeks and I carried to 13 wks 6 days. I don’t think I could even begin to describe the emotional roller coaster I’ve gone through in the last few months. Let your heart and body heal. Make your decision later, now isn’t the time. Let yourself grieve your loss and surround yourself with loved ones. Take care! God Bless.
I feel odd commenting on something so personal, as I know who you are (on social media) but you don’t know me… that must be weird for you?
But this story hits too close to home for me to not say anything. About 3 months ago I went through the same situation, except I had medication instead of a removal. I am still heartbroken. We were very excited to extend our family with a third child, as I have two healthy kids who were two very normal pregnancies. I was about 8 weeks along.
We were traveling as well when I started having cramping and spotting, and I waiTed until we got home when the bleeding got a bit heavier. We went to the ER and I waited all day to finally hear anything….. they let me know I was, in fact pregnanthe according to the lab results, but had no evidence of it on the ultrasounds except on my left ovary there was a mass, and this was an eptopic pregnancy.
People kept saying things to try to relate to me. They kept saying why it was okay and what would make it better. While it was great to have their love and support, Unfortunately, there was just no healing this hurt.
I just had to decide to be fully reliant on God and trust that whatever His plan is, is the best plan.
I am praying for your healing: Physically and emotionally/mentally/spiritually.
I’m sorry for your loss. I had an ectopic pregnancy also, but mine ruptured and I had to have emergency surgery. Thankfully the bleeding was localized and I went home the next day. That was 20 years ago. I had a hard time imagining getting pregnant again. I had twins who were 2 when this happened, and we wanted that baby. A year to the day later, I found out I was pregnant with our third child, who will be 20 in March. I ended up having a total of 4 kids(my tubal would make 5 babies). My 4th came 9 years after the ectopic pregnancy. All my kids were c-section, and so with my last child, I had planned c-section, and when the doctor went in, my scar tissue and the ‘missing fallopian tube” were completely healed!
May the Lord provide you with comfort right now through this.
I am so sorry for your loss and grief. Prayers for you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Best wishes for a complete recover, physically and especially emotionally.
My heart breaks to read this. I know exactly how this feels. I’ve been through the exact same thing. Plus i’ve also had multiple miscarriages. I’m so sorry for the loss and the trauma and the grief you are experiencing all at once. God has a plan and I know you know this. But in your sadness, He grieves with you. Heal up, and rest, beautiful. Just allow those in your life to love on you.
Oh Natalie I am so terribly sorry!! I cannot imagine what you must be going through right now. You have been such a positive and inspirational person, and I have loved reading your posts, and especially reading your posts about your birthing experiences! You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I pray that you are comforted by your friends , family , and God during this time. Thank you for being so honest, real, and transparent. God bless. xo
Sweet lady! I am praying for you and your family during this difficult time. I admire your willingness to share this struggle that you are going through. I know that God is with you at this time and will help you during this difficult time.
I have gone through the same thing and no longer have a right fallopian tube. Don’t give up hope. I have a healthy 16-month boy and have recently learned I’m pregnant again. I actually ovulated from my right side and the egg traveled to the left – pregnancy is still possible! My US tech said he’s heard of it happening but this is the first time he has seen it in 20 years.
I’m sorry you’re going through this and completely understand your pain. Prayers and love coming your way.
So sorry about your loss.. I actually had the same thing happen to me last year in September.. However my ruptured and almost died from internal bleeding.. But I as well lost a Fallopian tube.. My dr however said I wouldn’t have problems getting pregnant again and it shouldn’t increase my chance for another one bc the tube was completely removed, it would had increased if they had repaired my tube and left it due to scar tissue causing another egg to not be able to move down to the uterus.. So you should be fine.. I was happy to find out I was pregnant this April and just delivered a healthy baby boy! So don’t let this experience scare or discourage you from trying again.. It did take us a few months to get pregnant again but besides that everything else was great! Prayers to you and your family!
God Bless You & Your Family!
I am so sorry for your loss! I must say you are truly an inspiration and so strong to share this with the world. I hope you are able to heal and grieve completely, just know we are thinking and praying for you and your family! God bless you xo
Oh Nat, I am so very sorry for you and Sheridan loss. Please know that you are not alone in this. I loss 2 after my daughter and my daughter has lost 3 in 3 years. God Bless you. Gentle hugs. Prayers going up for you tonight.
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I lost our third child as a result of an ectopic pregnancy at 10 weeks. It was a heartbreaking day for us so I understand fully what your are going through. I also lost my tube during surgery because our baby was 10 weeks, but gave birth to our third child 2 years later. I’m praying for you and your husband to find peace during this time.
I randomly saw your post from a friend’s Facebook page and just wanted to say that I am so, so sorry. There are no words that can make your heart grieve any less, but I pray the Lord will comfort you during this time.
I am so very sorry for your loss.
I am several years your senior, but remember well experiencing a miscarriage at 15 weeks, many years ago. It was a pregnancy between my two daughters, now 19 and 15 years old.
I certainly understand how very fragile you feel.
Allow God to hold you, nurture you and heal you.
He is the best lover of your soul.
Trust in Him, wait patiently on Him and cry out to Him.
)Read Psalm 40… it is a beautiful song to The Lord.)
Lord, I ask that you heal Natalie, physically, spiritually and emotionally from this loss. Support her family and give her love and guidance. Walk her through this hard time and cradle her in Your loving Hands, as ONLY You can do. In Jesus, precious and healing name, Amen!
Wow …. My heart grieves for you and your family. Y’all are in my prayers!
I am so sorry for you loss and that you had to go through this surgery. I wish for you peace, comfort and healing.
Sending prayers for Sheridan & you, plus a good recovery. I’ve never experienced this but a family member had 3 miscarriages before they had their twins. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss. This is my first time finding your blog, but I am immensely touched and also saddened by your post. I suffered an ectopic pregnancy in the fall of 2011 at only 6 weeks pregnant. It was early enough I was treated chemically instead of surgically, but because of the properties of the treatment injections I was told to not become pregnant for at least 6 months after treatment. I too felt devastated and never wanted to experience that again. We held off trying to conceive for over a year after that, but I was later able to have a healthy, full term pregnancy and now have an 11 month old son. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, but please do not give up hope. I’m praying for you and your family.
I am so sorry. As a mom of 3, I can’t imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you and your husband. God Bless
Hang in there. This is a very trying time for you and your family. Give yourself time to grieve and heal. There will come a day when you will see another pregnancy as a positive and happy event.
So sorry for your loss, Natalie. I’ve also had a tubal pregnancy. At 6 weeks gestation, it burst my right Fallopian tube. I’ve also had 3 other miscarriages, and two healthy sons (one of which was born after the ectopic pregnancy). I hope you know that you’re not alone. So many other mothers and fathers share this grief with you and your family, and I, at least, will keep you in my prayers. I remember feeling angry with God, at times, that something so precious was taken away from my husband and I, but I also remember the unconditional love I felt from Him as I sought Him out through prayer. Rest well. God knows your pain, and He loves you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing 4 years ago. I am glad you were brave enough to write your story, it really does help in the healing process. After I recovered I asked God to redeem what had been stolen from us and the next year I had our only son on my birthday. I will be praying he redeems your loss too.
Rachael from http://www.lifeoutsidetheshell.com
I am so sorry for your loss. You are loved and prayed for.
I am so glad that you posted this. After my husband and I miscarried after trying for a long time to have a child, our hearts were broken. What amazed me was to find out how many of our friends and family members had gone through the same heartbreaking experience but we never knew. We vowed to not hide our pain but to own it (to use your words) and, hopefully, be a blessing to others in their time of need.
God used the experience to strengthen our relationship with him and each other and has used it in many other ways. We are also pleased that he also blessed us with a baby boy who was born healthy in May.
Praying for you and your healing in every sense.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care
I know how you feel and I’m so very sorry you are having to go through this! 🙁 I also had an ectopic pregnancy however I did not know I was pregnant. My 2nd child was almost 9 months old when I had horrible stomach pain, so I went to the Dr. showed positive pregnancy test, but everyone thought no way (I was still nursing & on the pill) Dr. scheduled emergency surgery (thinking ruptured cyst) and sure enough it had just fertilized and got caught up in the fallopian tube near the end by some scar tissue on my left side as well. We were in complete shock! It made us really debate/think on having another child or not, but I’m happy to say we now have our little girl and our family of 5 is complete! Hang in there and I hope you get to feeling better! Many Hugs and prayers are being sent yalls way! 🙂
i can so relate to your story. 35 years ago my then husband and I wanted to add another to our family of 1. I was check my my temp every morning, hmm nothing. Dr put me on Clomid to help ovulate. Five days after what I felt was a period, I took my Clomid. On the 5th day/night I double over in severe abdominal pain. The Ambulence was called and I was off to the 1st of 2 hospitals. Once again I went into a 2nd ambulance for a across town hospital and closer to my doctor. Horrible ride!!! Dr came, in ordered a pregnancy test and said we were off to OR! What??? ” Let’s go! was all he said. Next thing I knew I was in recovery. I had had an ectopic pregnancy…I never even knew I was even pregnant!
I had a Fallopian tube rupturing when I got to the 2nd hospital. My doctor informed me at my post op doctor visit, when I came into the 2nd hospital I was within less than 2 hours of my life!!! My doctor saved my life by taking my right Fallopian tube out! My belly was filling with blood and I was starting to bottom out!
Thirteen and a half months later, I had a beautiful, darling 9 lb. 4 oz. baby boy. Joshua is now 34 years old and he and his soon to be wife will give me my 2nd grandchild!
Natalie, I know where you are and I am so sorry for your loss.
Miscarriage is hard and heartbreaking! My heart healed a lot after my husband and I decided to name our baby (8 weeks gestational miscarriage). Naming my baby helped me validate the life that was lost. Even though we didn’t know the gender, we named the baby Brooke, because Jesus is our brooke of living water and we know our baby is with him now. I pray you are able to grieve and heal with Jesus’s comfort.
Oh sweetie, I truly feel for you. My first pregnancy was a miscarriage and I went through the pain of delivery at fourteen weeks gestation and had to have a d & c. It’s not an easy thing to go through. I’m sorry you had to go through such an experience. You and your family are in my prayers and I hope you have a quick recovery (both physically and mentally) *hugs*
I am at awe reading all the comments. There are so many of us that have miscarried. My first pregnany i miscarried. I didn’t even know I was pregnant. I had three children after that and all are healthy. I again miscarried a few months ago. This was due to a birth control I was on that I didn’t know forced you to miscarry if used. I’m no longer using that one obviously.
First of all, I commend you for putting it out there. I had a very difficult time talking to others though I’m sure it would have helped.
Secondly, you can and will get prego again should you choose to do so again. I will admit I was on automatic bed rest with all three of my kids once the pregnancy was confirmed. Your Dr may also do this for safety reasons.
Thirdly, I pray God quickly heal your body and mostly your spirit from this loss. Don’t stop talking about it for as long as you need to grieve. It helps.
What a hard thing to go through! God bless you and your recovery. Poor girl, take care and thank you for being such a light.
Hi Amy, I also had a delayed miscarriage 9,4 days gestation but only started spotting at 14w4 days. It was very traumatic. (Second miscarriage) my daughter was I between and then I fell pregnant 5 months later my son is now 3y8m and I still feel the loss of the other two souls. I hope that you have overcome the trauma. You most definitely are not alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
After suffering the pain of 3 miscarriages I understand how raw and painful it is in the aftermath.
Lots of healing thoughts being sent your way.
Take care x
Praying for you precious girl! That must have been so difficult! Don’t give up though if you want more kids, I close family member went through the same thing but they didn’t catch it until later when she was hospitalized( not knowing if pregnancy). She just had her 4th precious baby with no complications. Praying for peace of mind and healing of body. God is good ALL the time:)
Your Friend- Kelly
I’m so sorry for your loss but thank you for being brave & strong enough to post about your experience because I’m sure it will help more people than you realize get through similar tragedies. You & your family are in my prayers.
I am so sorry! I’m a mom of 4 kiddos and I’ve had
I’m so very sorry for your loss that is so difficult to go through. I just had to comment and I don’t usually do this but a good friend of mine had the exact same thing happen to her last year and she was a mess cause she had several miscarriages in the past. Then to learn she was pregnant then to have to it taken away cause it was an eptopic pregnancy was not good and her risk of it happening again but I’m happy to report she just had a healthy baby girl in October! So please don’t give up. Your Feelings Are Just Very Hurt Right Now But Just Remember It Can Happen For You Again And You Could Have Another baby. Again so very very sorry for your loss take time to heal and rethink get better!!
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Tears rolled down my face when I started to read this because we were in that very spot a few years ago and lost ours at 7 weeks. It is going to be very difficult but with God’s comforting presence and love, you and your family will get through this. Stay strong hun!
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel I had a similar situation with my second and fourth pregnancies.I can tell you it does get better. And don’t give up. I had another child after both and it helps with the healing process. Big hugs to you and your family.
I’m so sorry for your loss
I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you. I too had an ectopic pregnancy and lost my left tube. I have had two gorgeous girls since. I wish you a speedy recovery and send big hugs. (I cried for a long time afterwards – it is ok to cry!) x
Natalie, my heart breaks for you. I pray that you regain that gorgeous smile and skip in your step once again. You are such a beautiful girl that helps so many people. I know this would be a very difficult time for you. Sending you a big koala bear hug from Australia. Look after yourself lovely xxx
I’m so sorry for your loss and what you had to go through. Please dont give up if your dream is to have another baby. I just went through a miscarriage and can relate. Sending love your way and hope for a good recovery.
Natalie, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My heart completely breaks for you. I had almost the same exact situation and understand the heartache that you must be dealing with. I will be praying for you.
I have no idea how I had found this blog post but I’m glad I did. You could have just described my story. With my third pregnancy I had an ectopic pregnancy which made my left Fallopian tube burst and I was rushed to emergency surgery. I woke up to the news that I could have died and that have having another baby may be hard. I was sad, hurt and betrayed by my body and didn’t want to try to have another baby. My bus and and I prayed about it and he felt strongly we should continue to try. We got pregnant in the first month of trying after surgery. I carried that pregnancy to term and am currently watching him sleep. In fact, I’m pregnant right now. I haven’t had an ultrasound yet to make sure that everything is in the right place so am a little nervous but I know there is a plan. Are bodies are imperfect. Our bodies went rogue and a baby couldn’t grow. And that’s sad. My advise, feel what you need to feel. Don’t make any decisions while everything is so raw. And may God be with you.
So sorry Natalie! I’ll be putting you in my prayers Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Sending prayers your way Natalie. Wanted to let you know not to give up if you’d like to have more babies. <3 I lost a pregnancy in May due to it being ectopic. They took my right fallopian tube. This was 5 days before I would finally be marrying my love of 7 years. We were excited to announce it at our wedding but it wasn't meant to be.
The good news is we were able to get pregnant again right away and are expecting our little girl's arrival in March.
Don't give up hun. Prayers for you and your family in the loss of your angel baby.
God works in ways we may never understand. Remember…you have the favor to overcome any obstacle that you encounter. If anything…adopt. ..
I’m am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers!
I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Whew, I probably shouldn’t have read this at work. You will get through this, maybe not right now or even in the next couple of weeks, but things will get easier. 🙂
I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Reading your experience made me cry. Pregnancy is one of the most powerful yet vulnerable times. :/ I had complicates and a miscarriage with my first pregnancy so I know that it is like living a nightmare and I am so sorry that you had to experience it. I hope you have a speedy physical, mental, and emotional recovery! You are so brave!
Natalie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know that this must be hard for you and your family. I have started following you on FB and Insta, your fitness and lifestyle choices. That’s how I came across your blog. I wish you a speedy recovery, both physically and emotionally. I’ve had friends that have lost their babies (I’m not yet a mother). Based on their experiences, I would say to remember to lean on each other, you and your husband. It’s hard to remember that it happened to him too.
That’s heartbreaking, your photo speaks volumes. Thank you for sharing this experience with us, you’re very strong. Thinking of you xxx
I have nothing else to say except that I’m very sorry about your loss and complication during surgery. Can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Hang in there.
No words will begin to ease your pain. I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 18. I didn’t know why it happened to me but it did. Since then every time I’ve been pregnant I would always have to doctor check early just to see. I have a daughter who is 4 and I had a stillborn son 4 months ago. I was 33 weeks pregnant and he had an umbilical cord accident. I didn’t know the signs until after I discovered he passed away. As of now I’m pregnant again with my technically 4th child but I only have one living. One thought that has helped me is that I know the difference between the heartbreak of life just beginning and life about to be born. I know as mother we go through so much and we can still get through the day standing tall. You will get through this but let the emotions come, let your children see because they will know Mommy has emotions too. You will have more children and the worry will be there but the likely of it happening again is slim to none.
I’m sorry Natalie. You deserve all good things. I’m sending prayers your way.
You are brave to post this but at the same time should feel you can. We are in this together and should feel the lows and highs in our life can be shared and NOT judged. Praying for your whole family.
So sorry to hear about your loss
You are so incredibly brave to share so much of your life with your readers. My prayers are with you and your family during this time.
I pray God quickly heal your body and mostly your spirit from this loss. From Uganda
I had a miscarriage in October 26,2010 you will never forget … But time eases that hurt. My husband and I got pregnant right afterwards by accident … I was so angry… I was a nervous wreck the whole pregnancy… But now I have a beautiful 3 year old …..and a 6 month old… I know for you it hurts right now. I remember the day I lost the baby.. And I know when my due date was … A mother never forgets.. Take time and heal … Don’t write off future children because of this horrible experience… I did.. And I’m thankful God has other plans… Xoxo angel babies, we will meet them someday
I am so so so sorry. It is shocking how many women have gone through losses and that’s sometimes comforting but other times you feel still very alone and I am so sorry this is happening to you. I just lost my baby boy 3 weeks ago and there is no way to sugar coat the pain you will feel emotionally, physically, spiritually. I am praying for you and I do think if you are up for it, naming your child will help.
Please, email me if you need anything…. Or need someone to pray for you or just listen. My heart is with you
My mother also had an ectopic pregnancy. It nearly killed her. She coded on the operating table. And it blew out her tube as well. She never got pregnant again. Instead thank fully….my parents adopted my sister and me. The story doesn’t end there. I too had three miscarriages. All ending at 4 months along. I had cervical cancer and was told having children was impossible. Two of the losses were before my diagnosis and surgery. And one after for my then husband who sweetly asked to try. Then one day he took me out to dinner..took my hand in his and asked to try again. This was 5 yrs later. After 5 months in bed and a purse string suture. Our lovely daughter is 20 yrs old and in college on the Deans list. And the. Light of our lives. I know how much your hurting sweetheart and I know you don’t know me. I know it feels like a death . And it actually is. But I shared this with you so you would know from my mother’s story…she still became a mother and gma and for me. I still gave birth after loss and cancer. If you feel you still have children waiting then don’t give up. God bless your family and have a quick recovery. ….Kimberly
I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell you after 7 miscarriages, time will soothe the pain, but it will never go away. I don’t think it’s supposed to. Take all the time you need. There’s nothing wrong with those raw emotions. They are what makes us human.
Healing is different for everyone…our angel baby went to God 5/15/2011, 11 weeks…and to this, day, i feel the same sadness I did then ..people will say, oh you can keep trying, you have other children…but the loss is so profound, some will never understand, but as you can see with the other ladies on here, we understand. ..Huggggs
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for your physical and emotional recovery, as well as for healing for your husband. A miscarriage is horribly emotionally and physically painful, but even more so when it requires surgery. My family and I will be interceding on your behalf as you move through this difficult situation. <3
I am so sorry. I am praying for you.
God Bless you and your family Natalie. I will pray for all <3 Love and Light your way. Keep your chin up <3 You are a great person you will get through this.
You are not alone. The pain when loosing a baby is absolutely awful and indescribable. Do not let anyone tell you any different or make you ” feel better” by saying it was ment to be. Take all the time you need to heal and know that talking about it with other women who have experienced the same loss will help ease the sting.
We lost our first baby last year and it tore me apart. I could only find peace in scripture and crying in my husbands arms. You are loved and my heart goes out to you and your family.
Raw bravery is what you have shared…
your experience is pain and loss that cuts so deep there is no words that ease it or help take it away. Thank you more than you will ever know. Sharing gives permission to be human…you are truly amazing with your raw openness. Thank you and wish you and loved ones well.
So sorry to hear about this, Natalie. I pray God will help heal you, both physically and emotionally.
I feel your pain….this happened to me exactly 3 months ago…..I too was 8.5 weeks along (previously miscarried back in March). I had no pain whatsoever or bleeding….the only thing I had was I was passing out….they found out I had an ectopic pregnancy and the blood was pooling up inside me…..I had emergency surgery. I not only lost the baby but they had to take my left fallopian tube and I had lost 2 pints of blood. The doctor said I was very close to dying. I have no children of my own yet, so this was very hard for me, especially this being the 2nd one in a year and no luck trying the past few years. I too found that talking about it and making people aware that this is very common helped me. I pray that 2015 is a better year for you and your family…..I know God will make 2015 a great year for me and my husband! Just keep the faith and know you now have a beautiful angel watching over you!
You are a strong beautiful woman! Praying for you in this difficult time!!
Sorry to hear this, sending you warm wishes,love and prayers.
So sorry. I lost my left ovary and Fallopian tube when I was 28 under similar circumstances. Today, I am 45. And my son is 9, and my boy/girl twins are 5. Today hurts, Natalie, but this is not the end of your story.
My heart breaks with you and for you. Praying for you and your family
Praying for you and your family right now.
Oh Natalie, I am so, so, so sorry to hear this. I totally understand how you’re feeling. I recently lost my baby at 10 weeks. I have felt utter devastation, grief and loss since, and nothing anyone has said to me has taken any of the pain away. I too had to undergo surgery, which I think has its pros and cons in terms of ones head space…..your reaction to not wanting to try for another baby is the same as what I immediately felt, and I believe is a normal reaction from speaking to the UK based miscarriage association, but as a bit of time has passed, I now more than anything want another pregnancy to happen, so please give that emotion time, as you may feel differently in a few months time. I have been fortunate in my life until now not to have experienced grief…..so the grief I have felt for the loss of my baby has knocked me off my feet….do not underestimate this. Cry, be angry if that’s how you feel, cry as much as you want – get it all out. They’ll be days when you feel fine and then something will creep up and bite you on the bum and set you back. I truly believe the loss of a pregnancy is something one will never fully get over as we will always have our due date as a reminder every year, I also don’t think we should forget….but I’m told it does get easier as time passes by. You are in my thoughts as I do sincerely understand how it feels to have the hope and joy a new pregnancy brings swept away from you in an instant. Love from the UK, Sarah x
Just want to share my story with you and to let you know you are not alone., my first pregnancy was an ectopic I not only lost my fallopian tube but also my ovary I was so sad but knew in my heart I wanted to be a mother. So we tried again a few months later and that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. The Dr gave us the ok to try again and just a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant again only to find out it was another ectopic. Well that ectopic ended up rupturing which required emergency surgery and I was just heartbroken. I had to deal with it and pray for strength from God alot. A few years later we decided to try ivf treatments the first one failed but we conceived on the second try. The day of my ultrasound we were so excited only to have our hearts broken yet again the embryo had attached outside the uterus and required emergency surgery. The Dr refused to try the procedure any more and told me to except that I would never have a child. But a few years later we got a phone call asking us if we would be interested in adopting and of course I wanted a child so 5 weeks after we received that phone call we became parents to the most perfect little boy. He will be 2 years old in 3 months. Sorry this was so long but I just wanted to give you encouragement to continue to achieve your dream of being a mommy. I assure you it will be worth it.
I am so sorry Natalie. I’m praying for you and your family.
I’m so sorry to hear Natalie. I too experienced a loss just a couple months ago. Was going to be my first and was so excited for the ultrasound. However, turned out that I had a molar pregnancy which is very rare. I would have been 10 weeks 🙁 It was very hard and still is hard. My best friends (3) are also pregnant on their first baby too so doesn’t make it any easier for me as I of course want to experience it along with them! I also had surgery and lost a lot of blood and still waiting for my HCG levels to come down to zero. They say if it returns (molar) that there’s possibility of cancer and I may need chemo. Serious stuff. Prayers to you and hope this year to come is better for you!
I have followed you for about a year and I always loved you and your family. I am sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.
Natalie, I just want to say that you are a strong woman. I am so sorry for your loss. Please don’t feel alone I had gone through a miscarriage 2 years ago and it was the hardest time for both my husband and I. I know and remember going through the raw emotions. It’s the hardest thing. I thank you for sharing. God will be by your side and help you find peace and help you to heal.
You don’t know me or I you, but I am feeling sad with you and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Hello. I came across your post through a friend. I am sorry for your loss. First of all, thank you for telling your story. I too think it helps to share. I feel like many women are afraid or shy in telling MC stories. I am an extrovert and sharing/talking helps me process things.
I went through something similar- almost two years ago. We had/have two healthy children and my third pregnancy was also ectopic. My tubal pregnancy did result in me almost passing out at work, internal bleeding, and the removal of my tube as well. I was only 5 weeks. It was devastating. I thought I wanted to try again immediately. The timing was not right for this baby, but we had already begun to I corporate this little life into our family. After a family vacation and some time to think, we decided to wait.
A year later, we fell pregnant again. Not trying but not trying not to. I went through all the early bloodwork that you will now go through and the early US to make sure the baby is in the right spot. He was! We heard a HB at 6 and 8 wks, and again, went on a family vacation. We returned home at 14 weeks and went to find out the gender. Only to find out,
There was no HB this time. Again, devastating. I didn’t understand that this could happen after a heartbeat! And with no outward signs!
After the clear of that and the dr ok, we began trying again. I am now expecting again. 7 weeks. Took 5 mths, lots of blood work again, and again, the baby is in the right spot. But the innocence of pregnancy is lost. I worry- will their be a HB? Will it make it past the 14 weeks? But someone told me- there is a plan. And we can have all the babies we want to have. Might not be in the exact order we expected and w the exact timing, but it will come. I would like to have one more after this.
Anyways, I felt compelled to reach out. Not even sure if you will read this. But like you, it helps me to talk about it and share my experience. I know you are feeling pain, unfairness, and a deep loss. It will take time, but will lesson. I will never forget my two angel babies and wear a pearl on my mothers necklace for them. I also wanted to give you hope that there is a future after the removal of a tube. I have fallen pregnant twice. And will be carrying a baby to term – howpfully soon.
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this on the Internet. I am so sorry anyone ever has to go through the pain of loss, but going through it thinking you are alone is doubly painful. Thank you for letting others know they/we are not alone. How incredibly thoughtful of you, in your time of mourning, to help others.
I too have been through this type of loss. The really only thing I can say is time heals a broken heart. The scar is always there, but with time it does fade. Use your support, talk with friends who have been through this and express your feelings. Don’t hold your feelings in. Sending prayers and love from a fellow Texan.
Natalie, first off I want to send you my condolences my heart absolutely aches for you being a mother of two I know the excitement of pregnancy and the thought and emotions that come with bringing another miracle into the world…I’m so very sorry this got taken from you although hearing you are still able to have children that is something to still be thankful for I myself am struggling with issues and reading your blog has just brought so much comfort to me I found out two weeks ago I was diagnosed with ademyosis which is the cousin to endometriosis the only cure is a full hysterectomy only being 30 yrs old this is a huge boulder thrown at me I have two beautiful healthy wonderful children that I am beyond grateful for and was not exactly planning on having more kids but I still wanted that option available and now knowing it’s not it’s something I’m really struggling with because I am so young finding a dr to do the hysterectomy has been very difficult they want to do other measures such as IUD and physical therapy but the possibility of me getting pregnant is pretty low and if I did I would be at a very high rush of an ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage at some point I myself know I could not go through that so right now I struggle with the pain and heavy bleeding on a daily basis it is really hard for me to function and take care of my kids as I am a single mom. Sorry I know I just rambled on about myself but I just wanted you to know reading your experience has just helped me to accept my decision to go forward with the hysterectomy again my heart goes out to you I will keep you and your family in my prayers and THANK YOU for expressing your life difficulties with the world you have no idea the impact it has on others.
Sending my love
I too had an ectopic pregnancy in my left Fallopian tube. I know some of the heartache you are going through. It is so hard physically and emotionally. I write a lot about pregnancy loss and grief on my blog if it will be of any help to you: http://www.thelewisnote.blogspot.com.
I hope that your friends, family, and God will bring you much comfort in your loss. <3
Hi Natalie. I don’t know you, and I only came across this post on my Facebook feed. But I read it, and I know exactly how you feel, and I feel for you. To say this is not an easy experience is an understatement. My first experience with pregnancy was an ectopic one. Those same raw emotions you feel right now we’re felt by me as well; they will probably not go away anytime soon. I can tell you that with a lot of prayer and tenderness from my loving husband, I was able to become stronger emotionally over time; and eventually I was blessed with three beautiful daughters, all pregnancies normal. Please, know that all this pain you are in right now can be replaced with joy someday. Do not give up hope of having children again, if that is what you truly want. Good luck to you and your family, and may God bless you always!
I follow your blog and always appreciate your encouragement, support, positivity and good energy. I haven’t been through what you are going through, but I’m a human sister to your pain and I send healing energy to you and lift you up to the angels for strength. Carry on beautiful soul, and thank you for reminding the rest of us about the power of a thankful spirit.
sending prayers and well wishes your way…..i went thru the exact same thing about 9 years ago….like you i had to have my left tube removed….over time things get better…..i was able to conceive again which happened last year however it resulted in a miscarriage:(….supportive friends and families helped me thru the second ordeal…Praying for time to heal all:-)
So very sorry for your loss and all that you are going through. Praying for you to get through this and that you heal, emotionally and physically. This too shall pass……..
Im so sorry for your loss, I to had an eptopic pregnancy without me even knowing I was pregnant! I had managed to get to 12 weeks before my tube had ruptured and exploded, I collapsed with the pain and amount of blood loss, obviously I lost my right side of ovaries an falopian tube and of course my baby!! I had to have a full blood transplant, I was told my chances of having children were now reduced by 50% but they were never really good anyway as I had already had 3 miss carrages anyway! But now 14 years later I have a 14yr old girl, 13yr old boy and my baby will be 9 on saturday!! So although you not feelin too good at the mo there is still hope for the future! Stay strong an good luck xx
Hi Natalie-big hugs to you! I went through exactly what you’re going through with my very first pregnancy. I can attest that yes in time you will feel better but you will still be sad. And it’s a weird sad because you lost a child, which is soul crushing in itself, but if you hadn’t you would have likely lost your life which makes you feel thankful and no one ever wants to feel glad they lost their baby. I sure as heck didn’t 🙁 Luckily I have safely carried two sweet babies since but lived in fear every day because I knew all too well how fragile life truly could be and what a miracle a baby is. Take care and snuggle your kids, it’s okay to be sad and one thing I learned is that faith prevails. Thanks for being open and honest, it’s good for everyone!!
Natalie, I’m so sorry you are going through this! I tried to post last night, but you are loved by so many that I couldn’t get on. May you feel the warmth and loving comfort from all the people posting for you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been through the loss also. I want you to know you are an inspiration to so many and I hope you heal body, mind and soul. God Bless you and yours during this difficult time.
I am truly sorry for your loss. I just want to say what an inspiration you are to me, and I’m sure so many others. You share your life and your heart with complete strangers, always keeping it real. I am praying for a quick recovery for you, and peace in your heart for your loss. Big Hugs – Kristie
Hello Natalie. Keeping you in my prayers. But I also wanted to tell you. That another chance at a child is extremely possible.
I lost my first at 12 weeks. 6 months later I conceived a little girl..at 39 weeks I had to have an emergency cesarean. She died for a few minutes. They got her back and I had to sit and watch her in the nicu for 3 weeks. At first it felt like I wouldn’t get the real chance to be the mother I always wanted to be. By week 3 she could breathe without been tube. She even took to breastfeeding extremely well. And today as I type this to you. She is asleep in my arms and just 2 weeks away from being 5 months old.
It wasn’t time for that baby to be in this world. Someday when your ready. The lord.will send you another. Just because it was bad the first time. Doesn’t mean the second can’t be miraculous and beautiful! I pray that you get your second chance at happiness and that you recover well from your surgery.
God Bless you Natalie.
So sorry for your loss and hope your feeling better soon. Keep your spirits up and think positive with todays technology there is lots of great avenues to take. I myself have had to beautiful daughters through IVF and they are 29 and 25 now,that was years ago. Its hard to stay positive but trust me it works, it was when I gave up and wasn’t stressing it happened both times! Takecare and may god bless you!
i’m so sorry to hear your sad news. please know that you are in my prayers, and hoping that you will leave the hospital soon and return to your family’s loving care. as hard as this is (and it IS hard), you will feel better when you are ready. please please please give yourself time to recover completely.
I experienced the same thing 2 years ago and its very sad I’m sorry for your loss thinking of you during this difficult time
Praying for complete recovery. Can not imagine what you are going through. I was at one time told I may never have children. I now have 2 beautiful children. A friend of mine lost both Fallopian tubes. With the help of IVF she also has two beautiful children. Only you know how far is too far. And NO one has the right to judge you! Ectopic pregnancies are VERY serious! And should not be taken lightly. Hoping the best for you!
My baby’s are 15yrs and 6wks and I can’t imagine what your going thru but my thoughts & prayers are with you & your family. xoxo
You keep praying god knows best. When its your time you will be a wonderful mom. I’m glad u made it through it all.
3 years ago i went through exactly the same.
Mine was just the right tube that had to be removed! 11 weeks pregnant but no sign of life and i couldve been dead- as i waited to long to go the dr. See we were on holiday and i started bleeding and had terrible cramps (which i now know was ‘labour pains’ – my body was rejecting the fetus) it stopped in the right tube and grew there untill it was about to burst!
I only went to dr when we came back- just in time.
I also felt like you – didnt even want to think of having a baby!
Our faith kept us strong!
After 4 weeks of surgery – we didnt even try- i fell pregnant
Everything was normal an we were blessed with a son 9 months later through normal birth!
I was still scared going for scans and so forth! But everytime i felt like that i prayed for this unborn baby! And for us- we needed to stay positive!
God is Good and He’s love and grace is enough!
The dr also said that we will struggle with one tube and because i also had endemetrioses before.
we just said FOR GOD NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!
WALK IN FAITH
God will heal you broken heart!
Prayers for you! I too miscarried 10 years ago. It was my third pregnancy, first were twins and singleton but results of fertility. My angel baby was a pleasant surprise. The D&C was so emotionally painful! We now are blessed with 2 girls & 4 boys and I wish we could’ve accepted more blessings! Our kids are our world! My prayers are for healing for your heart! The physical scars will heal quickly; those mommy strings take much longer! I share in your pain! As a marathon mom of 6, I love your fitness inspiration! You reach more people than you’ll ever know! May 2015 begin your healing & may you continue to bless others by sharing your awesomeness!
Over forty three years ago I lost two much desired pregnancies within about eighteen months. These were my first pregnancies and there was no way to count on ever having a child. In 1972 finally had a healthy, beautiful 10+ pound son who is now the father of our wonderful six year old granddaughter and her almost four year old little brother. Had I been able to look into the future I would have found comfort. That early loss and emptiness was replaced by so much joy!
I’m so so sorry for your loss. It’s something that no one can truly understand unless they have gone through it or something very similar. Please know our thoughts and prayers are with you, and I just pray that you will have strength and feel very loved and surrounded by that.
I too had an ectopic and a still birth at 40 weeks. Hang in there. Be grateful! Our bodies are scientific creatures and sometimes things don’t happen just right. God is watching over you and knows you. The recovery is quick and you will be back at it before you know it. Have faith in another pregnancy… This is the hard part at least for me it was. I had an ectopic and then with the pregnancy after that had the stillbirth. I braved it again and now have a beautiful 1 year old!! That last pregnancy was the hardest time of my life!!! But we got thru it!
I just now saw your post and I’m sorry to read this. Loss is devastating no matter what stage or age. I’m praying for peace and comfort that only God can give you my friend.
I’m so sorry Natalie. Thank you for sharing. Participating in a small way in your grief helps others to grieve and breaks down the walls of shame or guilt about pregnancy loss. I trust you’ll make it through the rollercoaster of emotions ahead. Sometimes we make decisions or label things following events like this because it gives us a sense of control. Your smart to know you might feel differently later. Whatever you and your family decide is right. Sending you good thoughts .
I am praying for you to heal quickly. I pray that God reaches out to you and brings you thoughts of a good future. I pray that you begin to see new possibilities. May your gifts and talents become apparent to you. May you see a glimpse of your great value. Believe that you were born for a purpose. I hope you have more hope tonight when you go to bed than you did this morning. Blessings,
i had several miscarriages. I do have two healthy children. Thinking about never having another child I’m not sure if you should make that kind of decision at this time. I ended up having a hysterectomy a few months after my son was born because of all the issues I had. I have since regretted it so much. I could have had another child even with my issues with endometriosis. This was back in 2000. My children are Britt 24 and Conner 16. They are healthy and I’m grateful for them but I will always have a regret. Not having another child. It’s weird I feel like I was meant to have 3 children but only was to 2. Just take some time and heal and then make a decision for your family. Good luck. I am really sorry. Bless.
natalie, i’m so sorry for your loss. you’re in my thoughts x x
You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers. You do not know me but we can both relate to your situation as I have been right where you are. It’s devastating and traumatizing in the least. Understand that all things happen for a reason and we don’t always know why but rest assured God does. The one thing that got me through my ectopic pregnancy was the power of prayer. I was angry for a long time and one day I broke down and gave it to God. I also stepped out of the way so God could work with me and in me. Once I relinquished all emotion and what I thought was my willful power God began to heal me. I know now God is good, God is always good. God will see you and your husband through this and it is a journey a spiritual journey between you and God. Let Him grab your hand, help you back on your feet and carry you through! May God embrace you, keep you and strengthen you each day. My love, thoughts and prayers with you now and many days to come.
hi Natalie, i know how upsetting this is. I went in for a 10 week scan and doctor confirmed my pregnancy he said it was moving and active, we were so happy and excited, the week of Christmas 2014 I started getting very light spotting, I read a lot of posts stating not to worry as it can be normal I was 11 weeks I had no cramping, at 12 weeks 5 days it got heavier but still no cramping, we went to see our doctor who did a scan in his office and he said he saw a little movement, but the look on his face told me otherwise, but i tried to be positive, we went home but I rang the radiology section and they got us to come in for the 12 weeks scan, then we heard the words”sorry to be the bearer of bad news but the baby has no heartbeat” seeing it just still inside killed me, we drove back to the doctors my partner in tears as it was to be his first my 5th, the doctor said just let nature take its course, we got home and that America night at 10pm it began, at 1/2am I lost so much blood my man took me to hesitate and we were there until Wednesday morning. I am struggling to cope with this as it feels like a part of me has been torn away from me. The trama and the event leading up to the hospital has destroyed me. But in time I know all will heal. Stay strong love, it is never easy I am grateful for my partner and my family, I cry a lot feel numb and lost but I know that in time it will ease. Love to you and yours xxx
Not America night dang iPad automatically corrected….that night is what I meant
My prayers are with you, Natalie, for a speedy physical as well as emotional recovery.