“I am flawed, but that does not mean I am unworthy of love or belonging.”

 

This is my favorite quote from Brene Brown ‘s book Daring Greatly. When I am struggling hard with feelings of shame, perfectionism, blame, regret, etc I repeat this phrase to myself again and again.

 

Shame is something we all have.

 

And it’s hard to work through because usually you have to get honest with your own story, honest with your own deep rooted insecurities, and have enough humility to recognize that you made or are making mistakes.

I got a phone call last week about my family (mom) that triggered a lot of shameful feelings in me and I’m trying to figure out how to work through it.

Without sharing too many details, because I think part of the story is hers to tell and not mine, my mom is overseas illegally without a visa, taking money from people, while she has a warrant out for her arrest here in the states for manslaughter.

This phone call brought up a lot of deep rooted fears and insecurities I have…that were all triggered by shame.

“Am I loved? Am I cared about? Am I wanted?”

 

Just like many of you, I struggle…even if I don’t talk about them much on my page.

I focus on gratitude because it keeps me in joy and out of regret.

I’ve made poor decisions in the past because I didn’t deal with the shame and hurt….I numbed it out by pushing close ones away, picking dumb fights with people I cared about, probably drinking too much for a while, etc.

 

So then what is the next step?

Well, the next step is to realize that even though you made mistakes, or aren’t perfect, or that you are flawed…. does not mean you are unworthy of love and belonging.

Which is why I go back to the mantra at the beginning of this post all the time when I’m struggling with shame or “not enough”.

I even have it written out and taped next to my bed.

“I am flawed, but that does not mean I am unworthy of love or belonging.”

 

We’re all afraid to talk about shame. But the less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

If you are struggling with some of these same thoughts….know that you aren’t alone.  I am right here alongside you.

Your friend,
Natalie