Yesterday was Mother’s Day, and I got my dad a gift. It was a photo with the family. I had a great time with my kids, my dad, and my siblings, but it’s a day that didn’t involve my own mom, and hasn’t for a while. I know I’m not the only one who might have a hard time on Mother’s Day sometimes, so I think it’s important to remember those who may be triggered on this holiday. If you had a hard time yesterday, I’m thinking about you. Seeing all of the social media posts of people with their moms or spending time with their kids can be hard on this day. Just know, you’re not alone in those feelings.
Why Mother’s Day is Hard on Me
I have an interesting history with my mom. It’s a long story (if you want to read the whole thing, you can read it here), but basically, my mom hasn’t been around for most of my life, or my sibling’s lives. Not only did she go to jail when I was younger, but she also went to jail a second time when I was older after she wrote some bad checks in my name. After that, she became sort of distant with the family until she disappeared altogether. It’s been years since any of us have even heard from her, and I battle with a lot of abandonment issues as a result of this troubled relationship with my mom. Each year on Mother’s Day, I’m reminded that I don’t know any number to call to wish her a happy Mother’s Day even if I wanted to.
Another layer to Mother’s Day for me is that I had an ectopic pregnancy a few years ago that resulted in the miscarriage of a baby I wanted so badly. To hear to this whole story, you can listen on my podcast here, but it was an incredibly painful experience both physically and emotionally. I am beyond grateful for my two babies, but sometimes on Mother’s Day, I’m reminded of the baby I didn’t get to have.
Finally, being a single mom on Mother’s Day can sometimes make this day feel a little more hollow. There’s really not as much recognition on this day, and that makes Mother’s Day even more conflicting for me. I did get time with my kids, homemade cards from both of them, and time with family, (which I am so thankful for!) but being a single mom on Mother’s Day is just a little bit different.
Knowing You’re Not Alone
There are many women out there who also find that Mother’s Day is hard. If you’ve lost your mom, you’re a mom who has lost a child, you’re going through infertility issues, you yearn to be a mother, you have a strained relationship with your mom, or you’re a mom with a strained relationship with your children, Mother’s Day may be hard on you. Maybe you’re a step-mom, a single mom, or a foster mom. Whatever your story is, know that we see you.
I don’t know about you, but every time I find someone who can relate to my story, or someone who has gone through things I’ve been through, I feel a little less alone. I feel a level of comfort that I’m not the only one who has felt abandoned, angry, lost, or alone in motherhood, or in my experience with my own mom.
I am working on gratitude and self-care in order to get me through the hard times, which include the difficult feelings I experience on Mother’s Day. If Mother’s Day was hard for you as well, I hope you can focus on something positive, and practice self-care in whatever way works for you.
Photo @bymariandrew
If you have a hard time on Mother’s Day, I’d love to hear your story and how you work to cope. Remember, you’re not alone, and we are all in this together!
Xo,
Natalie
