Isn’t it funny how every time we are frustrated with our kids we feel like we have to say, “I love my kids so much, but…” before we say anything bad?
As moms, or parents in general, we feel this deep shame for ever being mad, frustrated, or upset with our children. Maybe we don’t want to be judged, or we think we are the odd ones out for not being the perfect parents raising perfect kids all the time. However, I still always catch myself saying that I love my kids before I vent about them.
But, I think it’s important for all the moms out there to know, it’s okay. It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to be mad at your kids. I think the more we talk about the less-than-perfect parenting days, the more comfortable we will be when we have them. It’ll help get rid of the shame once we are willing to be open and vulnerable about how hard parenting can be.
Kids Can Be Jerks
Sometimes kids are jerks on accident, but they are often jerks on purpose! That’s the thing about kids, they are always learning how to be people, and it’s our job to try to steer them in the right direction. However, it’s okay to be frustrated while our kids figure things out. If I met an adult that threw things when they didn’t get their way, I’d be frustrated with them, so it’s okay to be frustrated when kids do it! Not only is it okay for kids to be jerks while they learn, it’s okay for us to have a hard time with those moments. It doesn’t mean we are bad parents, or that they are bad kids, it just means we are all human.
My kids are older now, but each phase is a new one for me. I may not be dealing with late night feedings anymore, but I still deal with the hard days and frustrating behavior — like not flushing the toilet or leaving all the lights on! These behaviors are not malicious, but they are still frustrating, and it’s okay to feel that.
It’s Important to Find Ways to Cope
It’s okay to feel annoyed and mad at your kids, but it’s also important to find ways to cope through those feelings. Sometimes, just venting to my girlfriends is a great tool for me when I start to get frustrated. Plus, it helps me not to feel guilty when other moms tell me they’ve been there! It makes me feel seen and understood, and like I’m not the only mom in the world who sometimes has to lock themselves in the bathroom to have a minute of peace away from their children.
Being alone with a workout, my coffee, or a glass of wine are all ways I cope with my frustration as well. Sometimes I write, sometimes I distract myself with work, and sometimes I just have to let myself break down before picking myself back up. However you cope is great, as long as it’s healthy, and can be vital so you can get through each phase of parenting.
I think it’s important to tell each other, and ourselves, that it’s okay. It’s okay to have bad days, to dislike our kids sometimes, and to need time away. It’s okay that you’re not perfect, because none of us are.
The more we talk about it, the less of a hold those feelings will have over us.
Tell me about a time where parenting has been hard on you, and how you handled it. Let’s start a conversation!