Not Fair

ectopic pregnancy2

 

This post is going to have a lot of information that maybe I shouldn't be sharing (physical stuff going on with my body), so just a heads up you have fair warning that if you don't want to read about the unpleasant physical side efffects of an ectopic pregnancy you should stop reading.

It's just not fair that I have to suffer through this.  I'm not even talking about the emotional side, just all the physical side effects from the surgery.  I hate it and feel like I didn't do anything to deserve this.  I live a really healthy lifestyle, I eat extremely healthy, I don't have endometriosis, I've never had an IUD or an STD, I'm not overweight, I don't smoke, I am young.....I don't have a single risk factor for ectopic pregnancy.

I've been in a lot of pain where the incisions are, particularly the lower one where they pulled my Fallopian tube out from.  They sent me home with some painkillers (Norco) and an antibiotic and the first night I took one of the painkillers I got a severe migraine.  I tried taking one again the next morning....another bad migraine so I stopped taking them.  I've been frustrated because of the holiday weekend.  I was discharged from the hospital Wednesday at noon and my doctor's office closed early on Wednesday because it was New Years Eve, and then they were closed Thursday (New Years Day) and Friday because of the holiday and are closed on the weekend.  I called their answering service and had a nurse call me back and explained to her that I couldn't take the pain medicine it was making me sick and she said because she is just a nurse she can't prescribe pain medicine and I just need to take extra strength Ibuprofen.  Well, that doesn't help much.  The pain is better today (4 days post surgery) but I was really struggling Thursday and Friday with the pain level.  I have a high pain tolerance (delivered both my other two kids with no drugs who were each 10lbs at birth, never took anything for the stitches I needed afterwards, etc) but this week I was feeling a 8 or 9/10 pain level and didn't want to go back into the ER so just dealt with it.  Not fair that I had to feel all that pain.

I am so incredibly bloated and my stomach has been so protruded and hard.  Normally my stomach is really flat and muscular (this video HERE shows a video I filmed for Heidi Powell's blog just 3 weeks ago....you can see my stomach is normally flat).  Here is a picture I took last night just standing relaxed (I couldn't flex or stick my stomach out even if I wanted to right now - the incisions are too sore).
ectopic pregnancy ectopic pregnancy2I get that my body is going to be swollen for a while.  My body is basically responding the same way as if it were stabbed with a knife three times in the stomach (I had three incisions for the surgery).  But the bloating hurts.  When I would touch my stomach it was rock hard.  It's not fair and looking in the mirror looking 5 months pregnant is another reminder of the pregnancy that was removed from my body.

Sorry this is majorly TMI here, but I hadn't been able to go to the bathroom #2 since Monday.  I'm sure that was a large cause of my bloating.  When I talked with the nurse she said I should take a dose of milk of magnesia once in the morning and once in the evening and that should do the trick.  I took 4Tbsp yesterday at 9am and 4 Tbsp at 9pm and nothing happened.  My stomach was making gurgling noises and it felt like I had to go, but I just couldn't.  I haven't been eating very much these past few days (just sad and not much of an appetite), but I have been eating enough that I should have gone by now.  This morning I took another 4Tbsp and then today around 2pm I finally went and it was terrible.  I ended up getting hemorrhoids from this whole experience (I know, I'm painting a really pretty picture of myself here for you.....one of these days I'll learn not to share so much information with the world).  Going to the bathroom was so painful I started vomiting and shaking and getting chills right there on the toilet.  I hopped into the shower which helped with some of the pain and just started crying.  I let the water from the showerhead wash my tears away and tried to keep my mind off the the stinging pain I was feeling.  Have you ever had Mexican food for dinner and the next day it burned when you went to bathroom?  Multiply that by about 20 and that's how I felt today.  I warned you.....I have no filter right now and this is probably way more than you guys ever wanted to know.  But, I wish someone would have told me what to expect.  Maybe if I was prepared for it I wouldn't have felt so mad about the whole thing.  Maybe someone else who has an ectopic pregnancy can read this and it will help them prepare for what is to come.

I got out of the shower, walked past my husband and son playing Just Dance on the Wii and crawled into bed.  I shoved my head in my pillow and just started crying, heavy cries.  It's not fair that I have to go through all this pain.  I didn't do anything to deserve this.  If I didn't have an ectopic pregnancy I would be perfectly happy and fine right now, working out, and starting to film and blog for you guys ways that you can have a healthy first trimester.  The emotional pain is one thing, but it's just so incredibly unfair that I also have to go through the physical pain of this stupid procedure.   I'm still bleeding a lot (about 10-12 pads a day) and passing small clots (between pea to grape sized clots) which is my body shedding the uterine lining it was starting to build to prepare for a baby.  I have a lot of swelling below my lower incision basically right where my pubic bone is, on the left side where they took out the fallopian tube.  In the post-op room the nurse told me that they had to do a lot of pulling and tugging to get everything out and that I would be really sore from that.  I look in the mirror and everything just looks so wrong.  I'm bloated, swollen, cramping, bleeding, and in pain.  It is so incredibly unfair.

Right as I was feeling sorry for myself and drenching my pillow in spit and tears, my sweet little 21month old Phoenix Rae crawled into bed with me.  She is in a really fiesty phase right now where she always wants held but she won't let you hug or kiss her.  She crawled right up to me and said, "Mommy? Hug?" and gave me a giant bear hug and even started patting my back with her tiny hands.  It was so comforting and healing.  As unfair as this whole situation is, and as dark as it makes me feel sometimes, I still am so grateful for these gentle reminders that I have a lot to be thankful for.  She fell asleep in my arms and is asleep next to me as I am typing this.
ectopic pregnancy3

I get it. Life's not fair.  I know I might sound like a whiner and I know I do have a lot to be grateful for.  But right now, I just hate that this happened to me.  It's just not fair.

UPDATE:
If you are just stumbling across this post, I wrote quite a bit when I was going through the entire surgery and recovery process.  Here are the posts I wrote in the order they were written starting from the day of my ectopic pregnancy surgery.

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76 Comments

  1. Thoughts and prayers for you and your family. You aren’t whining, and it’s perfectly natural and healthy for you too feel like you do. It is totally unfair, and although it’s not easy to understand why bad things happen to good people, I believe that God has a reason fot everything, even when we can’t understand why. Praying for a speedy recovery and for emotional healing for you and your beautiful family.

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  2. You should have been informed about what will happens afterwards .. I think they have not give you stop post op to help you go… This happened to me when I had meningitis I was in hospital for almost a week and afterwards I had put on ten kgs. The pain and bloating was out of this world .. It should have been on my charts that when giving pain killers and the other stuff they gave me to help save my life the forgot to give me them to help me go… The pain out of hospital and trying to go I would wish that upon anyone .. I have surgery next Wednesday so you have put it fresh in my mind to make sure I don’t have that again !! I hope you feel better and no your not whinniny your in a lot of horrible pain … My thoughts are with you

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  3. I wish I could just hug you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

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  4. Natalie,
    How transparent you are at such a horrific time for you. I can only say thank you. I am sure there are women out there who will be helped and encouraged by this. I know you can’t see it now, but somehow it will be used for good. I have never experienced an ectopic pregnancy. Two miscarriages and I know how bad the loss part is. I don’t, however, know about the loss of a fallopian tube and the pain that comes with your surgery. So, I don’t pretend to understand. I just know that God created us to carry life and raise up children and now you’re being asked to deal with your body doing the opposite. It is 100% un-understandable. But, thank you for bearing your soul with people who look to you for inspiration. I follow you on IG and I have enjoyed your posts. I feel like we are friends and you don’t even know me. I’ll be praying for you during this time of grief.

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  5. I can relate to all of your feelings. I felt this same way after my mc. I cried for weeks after and even now 3 months after I still have some bad days. You are right the aftermath is bad–especially when no one tells you what to expect. I had a d&c after my missed mc and still ended up bleeding for 6 weeks. Seeing that every day was just a terrible reminder of what had happened. I was very mad at myself and my body for failing to keep our baby alive. I will warn you that your first period post mc is terrible too (I had read that so I kind of knew what to expect). I had terrible cramping and heavy bleeding for the first few days of my first period post mc. Take time to grieve and it is so good that you are talking about your feelings! Just know that it may take your body a few months to get back to its normal self. I finally feel like I know what is going on with my body and cycle. The emotional pain never goes away but you do start to learn how to live with it.

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  6. Hi Natalie,

    Ive been following you for a a while now and very closely this last week. During your first blog “sad news” I cried. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Physically and emotionally the pain is so much. I lost my first born at 24weeks and sharing my story always made it seem easier to bare somehow.

    I think you are an incredibly strong woman for wearing your heart on your sleeve and still going.

    My thoughts are with you and your family.

    Lindsey

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  7. Have you taken coalase (?). Isn’t that what the give you to make going to the bathroom easier after you’ve had a baby? I know I was given something. I think taking a stool softener (sorry) sounds like it would be helpful in dealing with the pain.

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  8. Hugs Natalie. I’m so sorry! I hope you start feeling better soon! XOXO

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  9. My name is Shannon. I’m 22 years old and I am 27 weeks and 3 days along. My fiancé and I are going through the hardest thing in the world. This is my first pregnancy. We found out at almost 19 weeks that our baby girl has something wrong with her brain. When those words came out of the doctors mouth, I lost it. All I thought about was my little girl. I had an amniocentesis and after two weeks everything came back normal but was told that it doesn’t matter what the tests say because there is still something wrong with her. We did genetic testing, but still haven’t gotten those results back. I had a fetal MRI and they got about 500 pictures of our baby and they concluded that McKenna has a congenital brain disorder called Holoprosencephaly. It basically means that her brain failed to form into two separate hemispheres. There’s 3 different types and she has Semi-Lobar which is the type where her brain started to form but didn’t finish. They’ve also said they think her nose is extremely flattened, narrow, or may be absent. Babies with this condition have a very short life expectancy. They have told us that she could pass before I have her, she will never go to school, may never walk or talk, and will most likely be tube fed. I am due April 1st but they are expecting me to have a c section at the end of February because my amniotic fluid is only 7.19 when it should be in the teens and my placenta isn’t working the way it should be either. She is only weighing 1 pound and 3 ounces when she should be over 2 pounds. I feel her kick all the time. I think the same as you. What did I do to deserve this? I am young, I don’t drink or smoke. I am overweight but I am almost in my third trimester and I have only gained 9 pounds. I find it hard to get out of bed and I cry all the time. I was asked if I wanted to be put on antidepressants because I am a perfect candidate for post partum depression. She said they are safe, but with everything going on I would not feel right taking them. It is so hard to be strong, but she is depending on me taking care of her right now and as much as I want to give up, I can’t. She is my baby and my whole world. We are so in love with her. I just don’t know what I would do if she passes. I am terrified of losing her.

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  10. I’ve been reading your posts, and having miscarried once myself (which was very different from what you have had to experience), I know there’s not much that can be said to help. You are not alone. There is an almighty God who loves you, and family and friends who cherish you. Keep talking, keep healing.

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    • Dear Shannon, I just read your post and I am crying with the pain you must feel. I work for a ob/gyn dr, and so I listen to babies all day long and get the mamma s through there nine months of coming to the dr. and getting the checkup to make sure everything is alright. However, sometimes these abnormalities happen and it is very upsetting news to know and learn something is wrong with your precious baby growing inside you. But honey, it does happen. I’m so sorry. You try your best to make everyday count you have with your unborn child, and get up and face the day and start eating really good and keep positive thoughts because you have been chosen too have this sweet angel and she needs you more right now than anything else. Stay strong and when she is born, you are going to be amazed at the love this small child will give you, even if it’s only a short time…my best,regards, Norma.

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  11. It’s not fair, you’re right. I hope you heal fast so you pain is not physical, it’s hard enough to deal with the emotional pain. Sending you hugs and a reminder that you are beautiful and you sharing your struggle puts you in a new light of beauty. Time does heal all wounds but the scars are there to remind us, that we have loved and were loved no matter the outcome, love is why we’re here. Bless your heart

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  12. Thank you for sharing. You are right. It’s not fair. Don’t apologize for the detailed information. Those words may validate someone who has or will go through this. You’re words are not only healing to yourself but can be for others as well. Years ago I found myself 5 months pregnant with a dead baby. She was fine and then one day she wasn’t. The emotional pain was horrible but the physical pain from having that sweet baby that I already loved pulled out of me was horrendous. You are in my prayers!

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  13. The only advice I can offer you is time heals all wounds. Everything is there, until it isn’t anymore. You think about it everyday, then you just don’t anymore. Then you have to try and remember it because it becomes a distant memory. That’s how it was for me at least.

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  14. I am so so sorry this happened to you. I don’t understand why God allows such hurtful things to happen, but I do know and believe He alone will help you get through life’s difficult times. I have never had to go through this pain but I do know pain and hardship quite well.
    You are beautiful, even with your tears. You are strong, even with your scars. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. If it is any consolation, think of the thousands you are helping by just being honest and telling us your pain and hurt. Keep your chin up sister, you have a lot of people rooting for you! Much love and many prayers.

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  15. Natalie,
    you do not sound like a whiner at all! And for my part…. I can handle quite a bit of information (I’m a nurse…hihi)
    Thank you for sharing your experiences, sad and happy ones. An ectopic pregnancy can happen to any of us women and reading your story with the details helps to know what someone else might experience, too. For now, hang in there and don’t hold anything back. God listens and he will give you comfort soon! He will bless you and your family even more and soon the wounds will be healed 🙂

    Thank you, Natalie, thank you for everything!

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  16. this is my first time reading you and my heart breaks bc I know the pain. I’ve had to ectopic and another miscarriage. I just found out me and my wonderful fiance of ten years are pregnant again! It would be our first if all goes well. I have My first plot next Friday to find out if it is ectopic again or if we are good to go. I DID smoke for years and years and just quit and am terrified I deserve this if its wrong again. But I remember those feelings of bing stabbed it was the most awful pain in the world and so has been the emotional. So I go in nxt friday w excitement yet a heavy heart as im too scared to get excited and let everyone down again. I don’t think my fiancé nor I could go thru this again. So tonight you are in my heart prayers and mind !

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  17. I went through something very similar 14 months ago. I went into surgery knowing I would lose 1 ovary and tube but when I woke up they had taken both ovaries and tubes(longer story) I was furious at my strong ,athletic, fit body. I felt betrayed by the body I worked so hard to make healthy and fit. It has been a long road to travel that is for sure. My heart goes out to you. Please know that in time you will feel better. I wish I could say something magical to take your pain away. Just know that you are not alone. My prayers go out to you for your physical and emotional healing. And when I say I know how you are feeling I actually do. Hugs to you my friend.

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  18. ok so I had very similar problems to what you are describing. What worked for me was alternating Motrin 800mg with extra strength tylenol. Milk of mag did not work for me very well. What worked was putting benefiber in everything I drank and hydrating like crazy. Before and after I would poop I would wipe with tucks pads. Hope this helps.

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  19. Natalie,

    I debated writing something after your first post. To be honest it had me in tears. I am so sorry you are going through this. After this post I felt I needed to. In June my husband and I experienced the exact same situation. After coming home from vacation I rushed home after work to have my husband take me to the ER. My right tube had ruptured on top of that. It was mortifying. After surgery I too had so many incredibly raw emotions going through my head in addition to the physical pain. I was a healthy non smoking, physically active, no stds, endometrosis, etc. It made no sense. About 4 days after my procedure I had this terrible bruising where the incision site was. It ended up being internal bleeding and back to the hospital I went. Physically it took twice as long to recover and had the same bowel problems you are having. My point in telling you this is that I am still trying to figure out why months later. I have since had another miscarriage although it was a pregnancy in the womb. It will get better and it will take time. Take all of the time YOU need. No one else will understand your emotions but YOU. Be easy on yourself and your body. You have created two beautiful children and you seem like a wonderful mother. Life is definitely not fair but I keep hope in my heart that there is a reason for everything. I hope you will do the same. Rest well. Time heals. Not completely but it helps!

    Ps. For the terrible constipation my doc advised me to use Metamucil with tons of water every day in addition to milk of magnesia and stool softener. I had terrible reactions to Norco as well so it took all three to really help. Maybe try those as well?? Best of luck!

    One of your long time readers,

    Kat

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  20. Natalie,
    I’m so sorry! I’ve gone through 2 ectopics, the last one was in October. Every emotion and side effect you have described has been my experience exactly. I even showed my husband your blog and told him that this is exactly what felt that I just couldn’t put into words. I’m now physically healed, but emotionally I feel like it was just yesterday. Talking about it has helped me so much. There is a Facebook group called Ectopic Pregnancy Support that has helped me greatly…the women there are all wonderful! Hugs and prayers!

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  21. I’m just so sorry for your loss and for the physical pain you are dealing with. I lost my firstborn after five days and recovering that childbirth was so much more difficult than it was with my daughter a year and a half later. Not only are you dealing with physical pain you are also suffering emotionally. It isn’t fair. Many prayers for you.

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  22. Natalie wOrds cannot sooth your emotional pain. I’m not a medical doctor. As I nutritionist here are some recommendations for your constipation: 1. Ginger tea can help move your bowels and 2. Until you have a bowel Movement perhaps sticking with green smoothies & broth. Eating solid foods can increase your discomfort. I hope this helps &I’ll be praying for your complete recovery.

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  23. I’m so so sorry about all you’ve been through these past weeks. It’s completely unfair and I tear up every time I read one of your posts. I just wanted to share that after my first c section, I had the same bathroom issues you’ve had. A week after my baby was born, I still hadn’t gone and I would cry when I ate bc I just felt so “full”. It was nothing short of torturous. I even went as far as to give myself an enema– it didn’t really help. After the first horrible bathroom experience (very similar To yours today) it got better, but my best advice to give is to stock up on flushable wipes (the preparation H ones are great for at first and then just regular ones are good enough). But the main thing to heal things is to keep it ridiculously clean. Sorry if that’s so gross but I remember crying to my husband and saying I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone. It’s terrible!! I hope you start feeling a semblance of your normal self again soon! Hugs!!

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  24. I’m so sorry you have to go through this pain. I lost 2 babies in my 1st trimester. We found out that my 13 wk pregnancy stopped growing at 8 wks and had no heartbeat. They sent us home on New Years Eve to wait for the baby to come out natually on its own. I labored at home on NYE and delivered in my bathroom. I know TMI. But even though it 16 years ago and our second MC was 13 years ago, it still feels like yesterday. No one can comfort your pain. And the only thing I can get from the whole experience is that I am now able to relate to others and share in their pain because I experienced it on my own. And now you will understand someone’s pain and be able to help someone through their loss in the future. My husband and I prayed with each loss and he felt they were both girls. We named them and put each of their names in a frame with a poem underneath in our bedroom to be reminded of the little time we shared together. ❤️ I’m praying for you for healing in your body and your heart…

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  25. Big hugs to you Natalie. You’re not whining– just feeling. I’m sending prayers up for healing for you and your family. I wish you continued support and the strength to get through this difficult time and come out stronger. You are not alone.

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  26. Natalie,
    I’m so deeply sorry you’re having to go through all of this pain. As cliche as this may sound, I’ve learned the hard way that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I lost my mother to ovarian cancer, then my grandfather passed away the year after and then 2 years later I had a miscarriage. I felt like God was punishing me but I just wasn’t sure what for. Life is finally starting to turn around but it was dark for a very long time. I want you to know that you aren’t alone. You should take as much time as you need to grieve and heal and I think you are an incredibly brave and courageous woman for sharing your story. I pray that your body heals quickly and that your life returns to normal.

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  27. I am so sorry for your loss. I had a traumatic miscarriage at 8 weeks and didn’t know I was pregnant until I miscarried. I had to go through the emotions of realizing I was pregnant and losing my baby. Due to the heavy hemorrhaging, I had to have a D&C and have two scars from it. I became pregnant a few months later and my daughter was born on the anniversary of my miscarriage, and her birth is still very therapeutic and a reminder of the baby I lost and the wonderful blessing that came after. I know you feel hopeless right now, but don’t give up hope if you still want another baby. It will get easier with time. I still grieve my baby but do not regret the experience given my beautiful baby that followed. I wish you the best.

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  28. I am so sorry you are struggling so much with the physical part!!! As a physician, there is nothing to help the emotional pain other than time but for the physical part – I think giving you an idea of what to expect would have changed everything. Surgery with an ectopic or any surgery laparoscopically gives you that bloating. It is the worst on very thin women because of the abrupt change and expected to last up to 3 weeks. (Letting you know to expect it and the time line might have helped). Because you haven’t take pain medicine for previous deliveries, you probably didn’t know that as soon as you take one, you are likely to be constipated and what to do to prevent it. Prevention of constipation would have prevented the whole horrific hemorrhoid issue (which a lot of us mommas can relate to). The physical part will resolve with time – give yourself 3 weeks but a total of 6 weeks to feel 100% again. There is no TMI here – vent await sweetie. Someone else out there is probably going through the same thing and your honesty may make a difference for her. I am so sorry for your loss and I am praying for you and your family.

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  29. I feel very bad for you. No one should have to go through this. I hope things get better for you very quickly.

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  30. Just wanted to let you know that I went through an ectopic pregnancy and 3 other miscarriages and I know what you are going through. I will be praying for you!

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  31. Jesus loves you Natalie! I’m so sorry you are going through such pain-physical and emotional. I’m praying for God to give you peace.
    Psalm 34:18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he saves those whose spirits are crushed.
    Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
    Matthew 11:20 Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.

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  32. Praying for you, and your family, every day.

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  33. You are such an amazing woman. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you well and send prayers your way! Keep your head up! You are one of the strongest women I know! (And I only know you from reading your blog (: )

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  34. Please share. Share all you want and all you can. It’s not fair but I promise you will help someone. You might never know when and you might never know how but it will help. If that means it is for someone who goes through this in the future or someone who has been there but has yet to work through the grief and pain.
    The physical details are important to. Please continue to share.

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  35. It’s been 12yrs since I lost my daughter. She was stillborn at 39wks. It’s still Not Fair. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. The physical recovery is horrible & compounded by the emotional pain. Luckily I’m still rather young, as are you, and your life, as it continues will reveal to you so many beautiful things. Your emotional pain will numb as your physical pain eventually ends. I hope that you find strength in knowing that you are not alone and others have also been on this very challenging journey and recovery.

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  36. Dear Natalie,

    First I want to say I am so sorry for your loss. It is very hard for people to understand how emotionally debilitating this is. I had a miscarriage followed a year later by an ectopic pregnancy. I am writing this however bc I am worried for you. My recovery was nothing like you describe, it actually was far easier than my subsequent c sections. I feel like you should seek a second opinion based on your symptoms just to make sure -all is healing as it should. Take care of yourself- the only thing that made me feel (somewhat) better is how extremely common miscarriage is- how many people I knew who’d gone thru it, and also made me wonder why no one talks about it from the outset? Hang in there and keep us posted.

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  37. Thank you for sharing! Hope you and your family find your peace you need to find. I am sad to hear someone ever has to go through something this awful and heartbreaking. Hugs, love and prayers!

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  38. prayers and hugs. I’ve had 3 miscarriages, which is not the same, but still. it’s rough. I am thinking of you and praying for you.

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  39. Shannon..
    I am so sorry you are going through this…. I am praying for you and for your sweet baby girl. Isn’t it crazy how much we live our beautiful children even before we meet them. Lots of love and hugs to you $

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  40. I’ve never posted or commented on here or Instagram, but I follow you on both and just read your story. My hear truly breaks for you and you’re so courageous for sharing your story. Even though I don’t know you personally, you seem like such a genuinely lovely person and I am so sorry for the physical and mental anguish you’re experiencing. I wish I had the magic words to help take away your pain..I can only offer that time heals all wounds and I imagine each day will become a little bit easier. Your daughter sounds like an angel and a sweet little blessing. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Natalie. Much love to you and thank you for sharing..

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  41. I saw this through facebook in my newsfeed and was horrified for you. I’ve never had an ectopic pregnancy but I have had over 10 surgeries including surgeries similar to yours and what you are experiencing is NOT normal. First of all, the nurse you spoke too should have paged the on-call doctor. He can call in a different pain medication for you. I’ve had allergic reactions to medications and have had other medications called in as an emergency. But, given your digestive problems, page your doctor and ask them to call in a script for torodol. It is a non-narcotic pain medication that works extremely well and will not constipated you further. Second, when your husband goes to get the torodol, have him bring home colace for you. Take it twice a day to soften your stools until they return to normal. Now that you know, if you ever have surgery again, start colace immediately after surgery. I wish I could call your doctor for you and be your advocate because you’re a victim of a doctor that wants to ignore work over his holiday. You deserve and have a right to pain control. Don’t settle for no. Page the doctor. This is 100% unacceptable. Torodol can be prescribed and it is not a narcotic. I have taken it after every major surgery I’ve had. I hope you feel better really soon. I’m so sorry your doctor’s office didn’t adequately prepare you for this. And if you need to go to the ER for pain control if your doctor isn’t cooperative, it’s okay. You go because you need pain control to rest and you need rest to heal.

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  42. Oh, Mama….I am so, so sorry you’re going through this. My heart is hurting for you. My third child we were told had fetal hydrops at our 16 week sonogram. Most babies will live to 37 weeks gestation and pass right before birth. We had all the testing done, and as yours, ours came back negative. The next week at the high risk dr they couldn’t figure out why I was there as their scans showed he was absolutely perfect. His newborn screen then showed a fatal protein defect which also turned out false. I’m telling you this to give you hope. Doctors DON’T always get it right and miracles DO happen! I know the pain you’re going through right now. It is unbearable. Accept help, but know that what you’re feeling is normal and ok. It’s okay to cry and scream and question and feel hopeless and to mourn, but I pray you always feel hope. I’ll be praying for you.

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  43. Huge hugs -having an ectopic is a huge roller coaster if a journey. Mine was 4 years ago but reading your posts I feel the emotions as if it were yesterday. It gets easier, it really does and it’s a process that takes time.
    I felt so many emotions and so strongly too, I felt angry when other people had “normal pregnancies”.
    It is something you never forget -how could you ever forget the potential of a little life that through no fault of its own wasn’t to be. I often think that I would have a little 3 year old now and wonder how my life would be different.
    I get the “why me”, I lost count of how many times I asked this. One of the most supportive messages I had was from a work colleague who text me saying “I’m so sorry, this is not how things are meant to be”. This was so validating for me -because no I wasn’t how things are supposed to be, that little baby was and still is so loved.
    My children have helped to heal my heart that was so so broken by the ectopic. I had one daughter who was 2 at the time and I have had another baby since who is 21 months. The precious moments with them have been what has helped me to mend.
    Much much love xxxxx

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  44. Dear Natalie,

    I am truly sorry for you loss. It is not fair.
    I am not a doctor, but from the sounds of your pain and blotting are you sure you don’t have an infection from surgery? Do you have a fever? I have had five c-section and I am concerned there is something more going than just the after effects from surgery. It is worth a call to the doctor or emergency room.

    Reply
  45. Natalie, I’m crying as I write this. I am so so sorry you’ve had to go through this. My first two pregnancies ended in miscarriage. The first I had a D & C and the second I miscarried at home. The pain miscarrying at home was awful. I was shaking and had chills and was just laying on the bathroom floor sobbing and feeling so awful that this could happen to me a second time. I don’t know all of what you’re going through but I do understand the emotions and some of the physical pain. Just wanted to send another virtual hug your way.

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  46. I’m upset that you’ve had to deal with unnecessary post procedure complications on top of everything. There is ALWAYS an OBGYN on call and available for patients. I do not agree with the nurse telling you to just take an increased dosage of ibuprofen. Our patients are told to refrain from using ibuprofen. We also try to give our patients 1-2 doses of their pain medicine that they’ll be discharged with to ensure its effective and has minimal side effects. Also, colace should’ve been started in the hospital and you should have been discharged with a prescription and instructions to continue taking it… There was no reason for the additional pains you’ve experienced. Unfortunately, the bloating is quite normal after a laparoscopic procedure. While it is less invasive than traditional abdomen incisions, the remnants of the gas can be quite a misery. Once you get more active when the pain decreases, you’ll work that last bit of the gas out. I’m so sorry Natalie, I wish I could’ve been your nurse prior to your discharge. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve experienced over the last week. I know that time won’t heal all wounds, but I will pray for you and your family… That you may find peace and healing… xo

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  47. You’re right. It’s not fair. You have all the hormones of pregnancy, the pain of a major abdominal surgery and the grief of losing a child. I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this crud together. Any one of these events is difficult enough alone combining all of it must be horrible. Walk as much as you can as soon as you can. That helps the bloating and the constipation. Lots of rest and fluids. Lots of hugs from your family will ease your heart. All of us here are praying for you. We have no problems with you sharing. Mommies need all the help and support we can get.

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  48. Prayer for you. I’m sorry. I know you are going through a lot.

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  49. Natalie,
    I am so sorry for everything your going through right now. I agree with you that what happened to you isn’t fair, I have loved following you ever since I began my health journey, you have probably been the most positive role model I’ve had. My prayers are with you, and I know that Heavenly Father is aware of everything that you’re feeling and going through, and he will bless you for the genuinely good person you are. I am grateful for the positive influence you’ve had on my life, and even though I don’t know you personally, I know you enough to know how strong you are and that in some way, this trial will make you even stronger.
    Your friend,
    Lynde

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  50. I am so very sorry for your loss. I really feel STRONGLY that you need to go to the ER. Your pain and bloating should not be this bad, you should be improving. That is crap that the nurse told you – SHE has contact with the doctor – that is garbage. Please please go and get checked out and get a script for something else. Please don’t wait.
    Prayers for you for complete and speedy healing, as well as compassion and patience for your family and friends to assist you in your recovery.

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  51. Natalie,
    I think Diane has a great recommendation for you ..hopefully you can get some medical assistance. You shouldn’t be having all this discomfort. I hope you get all the help you need. I love the fact your daughter knew you needed love. That’s beautiful.

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  52. Natalie, believe me when i say i feel for u. I had an ectopic pregnancy back in 2011. D only thing was, d physical pain wasnt that bad since i ddnt need to udergo an operation. But i was mentally and spiritually down and broken. My dad died that year and i was hospitalized because of that pregnancy on d eve of d new year. It was just heartbreaking… its ok to cry and its ok to get mad. It too, shall pass. Since then, i have come to appreciate more the beauty of life. U r in my prayers.. 🙂

    Reply
  53. SERIOUS comment here! Please read!!!

    If you are in crazy pain and having difficulty w #2, you should consider a trip to the er. My sister had to have an emergency c-section, was released the standard 3 days later. Returned to the er next day w extreme abdominal pain, sent home w diagnosis of common constipation following C. Returned again the next day, discovered her colon had perforated and she was septic. She required another (life saving- dr was upfront w her, my BIL & parents that it might not be a good outcome) emergency surgery in which they removed her right (I think) colon and installed an ileostomy. Recovery was difficult (physically & mentally) but the ileostomy was reversed 2-3mo later, she is fully recovered now.

    I am not saying this to add worry to your current situation, but if you feel that the pain & discomfort you are experiencing is perhaps more than what it should be, PLEASE get it checked out. She thought that she was just experiencing “normal” post-csection pain/discomfort.

    For her, drs found that her uterus was basically lodged in her pelvis blocking the “flow” of waste instead of naturally shifting like it should. She was able to go to the bathroom some, but not nearly like she should’ve been able to post-op.

    So sorry you’re going through this 🙁 prayers for you & your family.

    Reply
  54. SERIOUS comment here! Please read!!!

    If you are in crazy pain and having difficulty w #2, you should consider a trip to the er. My sister had to have an emergency c-section, was released the standard 3 days later. Returned to the er next day w extreme abdominal pain (and swelling), sent home w diagnosis of common constipation following C. Returned again the next day, discovered her colon had perforated and she was septic. She required another (life saving- dr was upfront w her, my BIL & parents that it might not be a good outcome) emergency surgery in which they removed her right (I think) colon and installed an ileostomy. Recovery was difficult (physically & mentally) but the ileostomy was reversed 2-3mo later, she is fully recovered now.

    I am not saying this to add worry to your current situation, but if you feel that the pain & discomfort you are experiencing is perhaps more than what it should be, PLEASE get it checked out. She thought that she was just experiencing “normal” post-csection pain/discomfort.

    For her, drs found that her uterus was basically lodged in her pelvis blocking the “flow” of waste instead of naturally shifting like it should. She was able to go to the bathroom some, but not nearly like she should’ve been able to post-op.

    So sorry you’re going through this 🙁 prayers for you & your family.

    Reply
  55. Prayers for you. I’m sorry you are going through this awful pain and emotional as well. I have not had an eptopic pregnancy but have had 3 miscarriages and lost a baby boy at 18 weeks due to having placenta previa ended in abruption. It was the most painful experience in my life and something no one can ever imagine unless going through it. I have two sweet boys and currently expecting again. I have had a lot of anxiety because of past pregnancies and I’m high risk. I pray for you to have relief soon and the weight off your shoulders from the emotional part of it. Take one day at a time, it will get there. 🙂 God bless you and your family.

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  56. shan,
    I’m thinking of u, and wanting all the very best for u and your family..
    We know the absolute gut wrenching feeling you’re talking about, and having the amazing feeling of little feet and hands turning and tumbling in your tummy… The enormous amount of love you feel for your unborn baby girl..and not knowing what the future may bring..
    You have been blessed to have this little human in your lives already, and she’s lucky to have parents that will love and adore her unconditionally from the moment she was conceived! May God watch over u and give you the strength you need throughout this time..sending u loads of love and thoughts always xx

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  57. I am so sorry for your loss. I truly am and so know that same horrible feeling. I have 8 children, but have had 3 miscarriages in between our children. One miscarriage was at 11 weeks. It was the worst one because I had heard/seen the baby’s heartbeat at 7 weeks, only to go to my next appointment and find out that my precious baby had died and I had been unaware. I stared at the ultrasound screen and all I could see was a black blog where there once was a living baby. It was horrible. I had to have a d+c surgery two days later. My only advice would be, just take a day at a time, hour at a time, or minute. Don’t think about the future, and let yourself recover. So many feelings you will be facing in these next weeks, months… so many hormones. So many, many tears. And it is okay. Take care of YOU!
    Many, many hugs!!!!! Kristel Ross

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  58. I am sorry for your loss. Nobody DESERVES that , it is not something you could have controlled. The embryo “planted” itself in the wrong place. It happens. Not your fault. Nature doing her thing. I understand your pain and what your family is going through. You have to be the strong one for your kids but you know what, IT IS OK for them to see mommy is sad, not always happy, not somebody stuck on “HAPPY” in the spectrum of emotions. Express your feelings. As for your body, you are fit, you know it, we know it. You will get your flat tummy back. The scaring ( barely seen) , the bloating, the constipation…really, they will go away. Concentrate on what is important. You are not made from plastic and yes, your skin will stretch and hurt and not always be flat, pretty or sexy but WHO CARES? You can work on that. Your body will start functioning normally once it recovers from the shock . Stop taking pictures of yourself at this time ( just a friendly advice) , stop comparing it to a 5-mo pregnancy belly. It is not. It is the human, physical reaction of what you went through. You are healthy, fit and young. You can still have children with one Fallopian tube ( a bit more challenging but possible as long as the uterus is there). May God give you as many more children as you desire. Give yourself and your husband time AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. Hugs and kisses to you and your family for a speedy recovery.

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  59. Sending healing prayers to you that a speedy recovery is in order..it down right sucks to hear that someone who is so, health conscious and young, has to experience something so emotionally and physically exhausting..hang in there your a great person and just like everything in life this to shall pass..even though it sure as hell don’t seem like it at the moment..;-)..

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  60. There is no reason the answering service could not have relayed the message about your reaction to the dr. That’s what an answering service is for.

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  61. Shannon, I am so sorry. May I ask what region of the country you are in? There are some wonderful perinatal programs designed for parents who have received a negative prenatal diagnosis. Suffient Grace Ministries in Ohio is one. Please ask your doctor about this as that can really help you cope in the coming days.

    Reply
  62. ((((Hugs)))) I’m so sorry you are going through this, you’re right it isn’t fair! I’m just wondering if you have been seen by a Dr since posting? Is your abdomen still as bloated and hard? Has anyone checked your vital signs? What’s your heart rate, respiration rate and blood pressure? With you saying you’re still bleeding heavily alongside everything else I think you need to get checked over by a Dr immediately. Please keep us updated xx

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  63. I hear you…been through the same thing 2 years ago. The pain SHOULD go away. The heartbreak won’t fade as fast. There’s something different knowing there was heartbeat. Anyway… physically, I’m back to normal…except my cycle is shorter. You will get through this…just squeeze your 2 cuties when you feel sad. Here’s to a new year and fresh start!

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  64. Natalie, I have been reading your blogs this past week and I am saddened by your experience and it brings back the sadness I feel about my own miscarriage. Although my experience was different than yours I relate very much to feeling like life is not fair. I just wanted to quickly share with you a few things that might be comforting in this hard time. The closing song at church today was called ‘Cornerstone’ and I thought of you as the chorus was sung. The lyrics go like this:

    My hope is built on nothing less
    Than Jesus blood and righteousness
    I dare not trust the sweetest frame
    But wholly trust in Jesus name

    Christ alone; cornerstone
    Weak made strong; in the Saviour’s love
    Through the storm, He is Lord
    Lord of all

    When Darkness seems to hide His face
    I rest on His unchanging grace
    In every high and stormy gale
    My anchor holds within the veil

    I can remember standing in church and even as a music lover there were days that I could not sing because I was so overwhelmed with sadness. Know that in time it will get easier. I will always be a mom of two even though I will never meet one of those babies on earth but this quote really helped me through some hard days and I hope that it brings some comfort to you and your husband as you journey through this loss together.

    “Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my baby on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn’t get the chance, would you please hold him/her on your lap and tell them about me?”

    Your precious little one is safe in the only place better than your arms. My thoughts and prayers are going out to you today!

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  65. The pain is likely air trapped in you from surgery. Heat helps a lot. A stool softener (like Colace) will help with BMs. I just had my uterus, cervix and tubes removed and it was the trapped gas that hurt the worst. Worst pain of my life. Feel better. Inside and out.

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  66. Natalie, I’ve been reading your blog for about 3 years and have never commented. You are so loved and through your honesty, even the Mexican food stuff, you are contributing so much to the world. Thank you for your service and for being so genuine. I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. God has a plan, even if you don’t know it yet. Trust is so hard. Your physical pain is so not fair, but go easy on yourself….and give yourself time to heal. We are all with you, offering you strength and healing! From Bethesda, MD….

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  67. Natalie,
    Sending tons and tons of love your way. ❤️❤️

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  68. Natalie,
    Thank you for sharing what you are going through, I only wish that I had come across others’ stories when we lost our baby at 20 weeks. They also didn’t give me much info when I was discharged from the hospital and thus dealt with the physical aftermath as well as all the emotional trauma. I think it is great that you are able to share what you are feeling and going through and possibly help others experiencing such a loss. Praying for healing both physically and emotionally for you and your family. Just make sure to take time to heal and to grieve. Hugs to you.

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  69. Hi Natalie,
    I’m sorry you are in so much pain right now and feeling sad.

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  70. Natalie,
    I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Sending ((((hugs)))) and prayers to you and your family.

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  71. Natalie,
    I’m so sorry to read you are having such difficulty. Try Gas-X (simethicone) for the bloating & especially if you’re having that pain radiate into your shoulder. That’s all gas. :/ Someone else suggested it but definitely try to keep taking Motrin 800mg every 8 hours if you can’t tolerate the narcotics. For the constipation, Miralax as directed & tucks pad for your sore bottom will work wonders! You can even put hemorrhoid cream on the little tucks pad & leave it “tucked” on the hemorrhoid. Prayers for your continued recovery both physically & mentally. Never underestimate what a casual walk down the road for fresh air can do for your mind!
    <3 Whitney

    Reply
  72. Thank you for sharing. I had this same exact experience and it is NOT fair and I hated all of those who meaned well giving my cliches and platitudes of silver linings and “everything happens for a reason”. Nope, sometimes bad things happen and itnsucks. So Im glad to see I wasnt just mad and bitter (though I probably was a little) and that somebody else had same feelings. I had an ectopic, two miscarriages and a stillbirth between the beautiful full term healthy babies Ive had, so doctors always just treated me like those horrific tragedies I mourned each and every time were just “flukes” since i was able to obviously have healthy babies as well. Thank you for shedding some light in a still very much undiscussed area of womanhood. Helps everyone else feel not as alone.

    Reply
  73. Natalie
    Me siento muy triste de leer eso, no puedo creer que le este pasando a usted! Solo quiero que sepa que te admiro mucho y que estaré orando por ti. Espero que pueda recuperarse pronto y recuerde que hay muchas personas en el mundo que la quieren mucho. Son cosas que pasan y simplemente tenemos que aprender a enfrentarlas.
    Te mando todos mis buenos deseos y amor
    Liliana

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  74. I too had an ectopic. The doctors just thought I was having a miscarriage. So for a week I was in pain and bleeding with my blood levels dropping. I finally called and said I need to move on. Please schedule a D&C. I was miserable.

    They went to do a D&C and there was nothing. The doctor opened me up and follow the internal bleeding I was having. My calling because I was tired of being in pain and no one listening to me probably saved me from further damage. I ended up staying the night in the hospital because the pain was so severe. I vaguely remember the next several days. By far, one of the hardest things I’ve had to endure.

    Reply

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