"Don't compare your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel." Want to see a big transformation??!! Just kidding. There was only about twenty seconds between these two photos I just took today. I'm sharing this because the number one shame trigger in women is body image and this is something that needs to be talked about more. So many times we look at models posed perfectly in a magazine ...[Read More]
I was around 220lbs on the photo on the left. The photo on the right is me currently with my two kids. A lot of people always want to know my 'secret' but the truth is I didn't do it with any fancy diets or pills. I didn't cut calories or carbs to an extreme level. I never ran a ridiculous amount of miles. I ate whole, nutritious foods, lifted heavy weights, and did a little bit of high intensity ...[Read More]
Has anyone been doing Black Friday shopping today? I want to hear about all the deals you got! Let me know in the comments and how early you started shopping 🙂 I have never seen MRM do a sale this big so I thought I would share with you guys! They will do a 40% off sale sometimes, but never do I see 50%. This is a great deal. These are products I have personally used for over seven years now. The ...[Read More]
Hunter/gatherer over here 🙋🏼🏹🍎 I've been a busy bee today canning all the fruit I picked this weekend while I was up hunting with Killgore Adventures. I know my elk post got a lot of controversy (I was called awful names: disgusting, nasty, a slut, and I even received death threats over it - someone told me they were going to shoot me in the head next time I was walking in the mountains with my fa ...[Read More]
This past year I have spent a lot of time alone in nature. I guess you could say it's been my therapy of sorts as I went through a divorce...connecting with nature, hiking to places no one else visits, and taking in beautiful scenery like what's in this picture and the last video I posted, it all was very healing for me. As I was going through that healing process, I kept a lot of things off socia ...[Read More]
As promised, I am going to slowly start sharing with you guys some insight into where I've been lately. A page from my journal the other night when I was feeling small, and sad, and stuck in my own grief...
And then it hits me. I might be in the gym and see someone stare at me for a second longer than normal and wonder if they recognize me from my public profile. I feel like I want to shrink and hide under my hat and in the same moment I know how silly that is. I feel embarrassed that I'm not as lean or as strong as I've been in the past but wonder how I can feel that way right now when I felt quite pretty and happy the day before? It's confusing.
And then it hits me. I'll be at the grocery store and see someone my ex has dated since our divorce or an old mutual friend who chose to stay friends with my ex instead of both of us. I feel insecure, small, and without much worth.
And then it hits me. I'll be dating a man wondering if he's ever been with a woman who has had kids, if he knows about the stretched skin on my stomach from carrying two ten pound babies, or that sometimes I pee my pants when I laugh too hard. Is this something most men know about? It's embarrassing for me to think about but I can't be the only woman who wonders these things, right?
And then it hits me. I'll see a video or a photo of my kids while they are with their dad for the week and feel an overwhelming wave of guilt, shame, sadness, and loss. I should have worked harder to keep our family in tact. I chose this, and maybe I chose wrong. I have moments of doubt. I am missing important days and weeks in my kids' life. When I am not with them, I feel like a bad mom. I feel guilty for enjoying my time away.
I am in a transition phase right now getting used to being a single woman. I don't have all the answers, in fact, when it comes to a lot of these types of emotions I don't have many answers or solutions at all. All I know is that I can't be the only one feeling this way. And I know that when I feel small, and weak....that talking and sharing these feelings makes me feel stronger and less afraid.
Guilt and shame can't survive when we open up, share, and own our stories.
With grief and pain comes joy and peace.
I believe this wholeheartedly. I have to. That belief is what helps get me through the hard times.
Remember this: it is ok to give yourself permission to not be ok all the time and accept that it's very normal to have confusing feelings. Working through this stuff takes time. Be patient with yourself. You give everyone else grace and love, make sure you show that to yourself too. 💗
With so much love,
Hunting is a tradition my family grew up with, and is a big part of my active outdoor lifestyle. Yesterday I went hunting and shot a cow elk (female elk) and the meat from this animal will feed our family all year. This isn't a trophy elk (it would have had huge antlers if it was), this is an animal that I legally and respectfully harvested in the mountains of Idaho. I like to share photos like th ...[Read More]
So, this is something that is really embarrassing for me to talk about....but I know if I was struggling with it there are other women out there too just like I was. I had major incontinence issues after my kids were born. Any time I would do a high impact activity such as a workout that included a lot of jumping, or even coughing too hard, I would accidentally pee my pants a little (really embarr ...[Read More]
Equipment Needed: Yoga Mat or towel for the situps (a carpeted floor works too!) Big 10 Workout!! We used to do these all the time when I was a collegiate cross country and track runner. They may look easy on paper, but just you wait! Your arms and legs should feel really burned out by the end, and that's what we want! Big 10: Pushups and Squats 10 Pushups, 10 Squats 9 Pushups, 9 Squats 8 Pushup ...[Read More]
Equipment Needed: Yoga Mat (or towel) Day 1: Full Body Circuit (all body weight exercises) 12 minutes AMRAP (AMRAP = As Many Rounds As Possible) 20 lunges (10 per leg) 10 pushups 10 situps 10 tricep dips (on stairs or chair) Leave a comment and let me know how many rounds you were able to get in! --------------------------